This is the Diary of Cyprian Miller. TOP SECRIT STAY OUT THIS MEANS YOU.
If you are still reading and you are not Cyprian Miller I hereby curse you to have all of your blood boil in your vanes and cook you from the inside out. And Annabel I curse you TWICE.
Its finally Courting, hooray! Courting is my favorite month. Its beautiful outside and everyone is nicer to each other and then there is Loversfeast. I loooooove Loversfeast it is the sweetest and most romantic thing ever. I havent ever declared myself for anyone before. I was going declare for Ivy last Loversfeast but then he was being horrible and saying that Courting was stupid and that human afection is
affemerl effemeral and so then I was going to declare for Matt but then we went on a walk in the field and he wouldnt hold my hand and help me over the fence when I asked him to because he said that I could get over the fence by myself, he’d seen me do it hundreds of times, and when I told him that that wasnt the point and he wasnt being shivelrus he said he didnt even know what that means. So I didnt declare for anybody. But this year Im going to declare for MATT!! Whenever I ask my mother about declaring and Loversfeast rituals she gets teary and says that I am growing up so fast. I love my mother and she is good to me but she insists on treating me like such a child! Like after the thing that happened with Waylon she wouldnt let me sleep in my own room for two whole days and then she didnt let me out without my older sisters for a week after that.
I do get to go out now though. And Maya can come over whenever she wants because my mother likes her. She is over a lot because shes trying to avoid her mother and sister and I dont blame her because her mother is always trying to get her to be ladylike and her sister is a horrible little shrew and I hope she gets colera. Maya has started going fishing a lot though which I hate. I mean you have shove a hook right through a worm and then the fish swallows it and rips his insides all up and it is the most cruel thing ever I dont understand how she does it. So I spend a lot of time at Vance farm watching Matt practice his archery. And watching his sister Emily practice her archery. And watching Wade Cooper watch Emily. Hes really atentive to her and its adorable. I wish Matt would be like that with me. I told him that it looked like they were in love and he was just “Eww, thats my sister.” So he didnt get the hint at all. Oh well.
I went to the market with Matt and Maya and Ivy and Quinn. And guess what! Matt bought this big ruby in a setting with onix and he wasnt saying what it was for! I wasnt going to ask because I didnt want to seem presumptous but I also was going to try to get him to buy me a flower and I figured I had better not do that. It was SO pretty too. I hope I hope I hope! I did want a flower but I didnt want to buy one for myself because if you buy yourself flowers and people dont know it was you they will think you have a beau already and if they do know it was you theyll just think your pathetic and either way you will wind up an old maid. Ivy bought a couple of gems too. And Quinn STOLE some. I didnt want him to get in trouble but I dont want him to steal things either. I guess somebody caught him because he was pickpocketed and there was a note telling him to go to a stall. It was very mysterious. So I followed him and there was this place that looked really boring on the outside but inside it was full of clockwork and neat things and the propryeter was a gnome and he did magic! He made the gems dissapear and then he sent us all on a quest to find them. And then he changed the whole inside of his shop! It was the most wonderful thing.
The guy said that we had to talk to Annabel to find the first gem. So we went to try to find them and we saw a scale that was HUGE. Maya and Matt said it was a fish person, but not like a mermaid. (I have always hoped that I would see a mermaid but I guess today is not my lucky day either.) We followed them to the dry goods barn and there was the most horrible thing there! It was not like a mermaid at all. I dont even want to think about it it was so full of… of malevolents. It started gibbering and everyone ran at it. It stabbed Quinn in the arm and I threw a rock at him and it hit him in the face. I saw it go into his head a little and I thought I was going to be sick but Matt was next to me and that helped. Then it hit Ivy so hard that when he tried to run away he passed out. Quinn got Ivy’s bleeding stopped but then he passed out so somehow I managed to get a turnequit around his arm. Matt shot it and Maya slammed it into the door and we killed it. I killed something. I mean, I didnt do anything but throw a rock but I was the first one to hurt it so that means I share the responsability right? I share the responsability for the death of a living creeture. Stupid Quinn and his stupid gems. He just had to go and steal them and now we all have blood on our hands.
AND THEN I went to get the majistrate or Mister Pritchard and NOBODY WOULD BELIEVE ME and my mother started dragging me off like a little kid and even though I was screaming and crying everyone thought I was making it up. I mean I know that I like to tell storys but especially after the last thing that happened I cant believe she thinks I would joke about this. At least she believed me when she saw the rest of them coming up the path and she was really sorry. The majistrate told us to help find the den of these things and he gave us a magic stone that would make the adults come. And then he gave me a magic wand that would heal. AND THEN the majistrate saw Quinn’s note and it was glowing and he DISSAPPEARED. This is just the weirdest day.
Still, Matt got me a flower after all. It was really pretty and I put it in my hair. And Ivy got me a gem! I had a ribbon to put it on my neck and it looks really nice. Maybe I should reconsider about Ivy.
3 Courting, later
We went back to the warehouse and climbed under the floorboards and there were RATS there. I would have been so disgusted if I didnt know there were way worse things here. While we were hiding, Waylon and Stick and Annabel came out of the basement and they were right on top of us. And Quinn said that Waylon was infected by monster. I don’t even know what that means but it cant be good. When they ran out we quickly went down to the basement and into the places where children dont go. We found a bunch of potions and theres a cave under there. So we went into the cave. And there was something in there. And I am not going to say anything about what that something was. And please god I am not going to think about it ever again.
Ivy activated the stone and it started glowing. Then there was something that put the lights out. I had a small glimpse of it— a weird coral thing with green flames on it. Then I decided I wouldnt look at it either. I couldnt look anywhere because everywhere there was something even worse. So I just huddled into the wall and Ivy came and sat next to me. But then I heard that people were getting attacked. The majistrate trusted me to carry the healing wand and I cant just be afraid all the time. My friends need me. So I went in. And the next thing I saw was a half-naked Maggie running at Matt. At least I couldnt be horrified any more than I already am. There was a half-naked fish man who hit Matt with some magic thing and Quinn threw something that made the whole cave glow. Everything was happening so fast around us. Maggie was attacking us and then she fell over. I knew that if I healed her with the wand then she would hurt us again but if I didnt then she would die. I tried to help her by cleaning up her wounds but it didnt work. But then Ivy stopped her bleeding which I wouldnt have expected in a million years.
And then Matt’s heart was in my hand. And my mouth.
i am done writing now.
I don’t know what day, Courting
I dont know what happened. I know I did something. Made it stop being true. Made Matt stop being dead. If I think about it I can remember a feeling like I was giving him my life. But I try not to think about it because when I do I remember the taste of Matt’s blood in my mouth and then I have to throw up.
I will be lucky if Mother lets me out of the house for the festival but if she doesnt then thats really okay. I dont need to declare myself for Matt in front of everybody. I declared myself for Matt in the face of death and in the face of the gods. I couldnt have saved him if they hadnt accepted my will. So if I just have to wisper his name to myself on Loversfeast day that will be okay. I hung up the flower he gave me. It was tied to the shiv and so the outsides of the petals are all stained red. As the flower dries the petals will get darker. Eventually I wont be able to tell theres anything on them at all.
I keep having these dreams. In them, Matt is dead and I am dead, but its okay because we can visit each other. We both froze to death I guess because we have no color at all. And we dont ever get any older. Its strange. I went to visit Matt when my mother was out at the market (she barley lets me out of her sight now.) I dont think he knows what happened and I am not really ready to tell him yet. I guess hes okay except his hair is bright red now. Its weird, but not exactly bad. It looks all right on him. I found something for him. Im going to give it to him on Loversfeast. Its not like its expensive or special really but I kind of want him to have it. I found two stones down by the shore the day I snuck out to see him. They were worn so they were flat and smooth and they were grey with vanes of white— I think its called kortz or something like that. Each of them was in the shape of a heart, just big enough to fit in the palms of our hands. I hope he will like it.