I have not had as much time to write as I used to because I am studying with Magistrate von Carris and I’ve been writing exercises because he said “The first thing to do with you, girl, is to teach you how to spell.” I was
embarassed embarrassed, but now I’m getting better. Von Carris is kind of mean to me sometimes anyway because he gives me all this work and I don’t know why I have to do half of it. It all seems more complicated than it really needs to be and I swear sometimes he doesn’t want me to be any good at it because he yells at me that I’m not metickulus meticulous enough or that I’m not paying enough attention to form and that any other pupil would have gotten this by now. Sometimes I almost want to cry but I’m learning a lot about magic, and more about the world. I don’t have nightmares every night anymore. Maybe once a month I dream about the place under the storage barn, but once a month is not too bad. What happened doesn’t seem any less horrible, really, but the rest of the world has grown up around it and… I don’t know. It seems less of an afront affront now.
The dreams about Matt are far more frequent. They’re not bad dreams, exactly, but they’re strange. We’re always dead, in the dream, but we’re not sad about it, and it doesn’t hurt. We’re just together, playing or talking or whatever, and we’re dead. I haven’t told him about them because that would just be weird and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t really want to think about what happened to him any more. I think that he still likes me, though. Our friendship hasn’t really changed much but occasionally he’ll catch me looking at him and I’ll blush, but then later I’ll catch him looking at me. I told him way back that I was going to start declaring for him at courting and then I ran away like a coward but he didn’t tell me not to and he didn’t seem to get mad at me. I’ve backed off, beyond that. It’s up to him now.
Von Carris let me take a light week in my studies for the Feast of Fools! It’s wonderful because since I went into his
tutaledge tutelage it has been just work, work, work all the time. I have hardly even seen my friends. Matt’s grandfather let us have his old tent as a clubhouse so we get to hang out there sometimes. Matt is getting really interested in messing around with guns and trying to learn how to use firearms, and Maya is training all the time, so it’s not like we have much time for each other anyway except when we’re all working in town. Maya and I dressed up as each other this year because we’re about as opposite as it gets. She’s a good friend, though, and I feel bad for her. Ever since Annabel ran away her mother has been even worse if that’s even possible. She won’t leave her alone and keeps wanting to buy her pretty dresses and do her hair. She came over all dressed up and glaring like she wanted to stab somebody and I know it was mean but I laughed at her a little. Maya just looks wrong in frilly pink dresses. We’re going back to the clubhouse because Matt wants us to see the progress he’s made. I’m always kind of worried that he’s going to accidentally shoot one of us in the face or set the tent on fire but he’s pretty good at it actually. I wanted to show him how I can write in my journal without touching the pen but I can’t do it when there are explosions every three minutes breaking my concentration.
Ivy has come back from his training! He said that he spent his time in the woods experimenting with drugs and potions and things and he seems kind of confused and muddled now but other than that he’s the same old Ivy. (I can tell because the first thing he said to me was snarky just like usual.) We all went out for a drink to catch up. Ivy, of course, got so far in his cups that he could hardly talk, and we were heading back to town when he and Matt noticed that someone was lighting all the beacons. I thought we ought to go get the magistrate, but the rest of them said we should see who it was. We barely approached them when they began shooting at us. Ivy and Matt killed two of them, but then as soon as they fell some horrible tentacled thing exploded out of their bodies. A few of them fled, but one of them attacked a passerby. That’s when I figured that all this had gotten way too far over our heads and I did what I should have done in the first place and ran for von Carris to tell him what was happening.